Matt Jones’ Neighborhood

And I think you will, too. But even though it's been favourited 5 times on Flickr, it's been sitting on 41 views for a week or two. Which is a lot more than my other photos get, but I still think it should get more! I had hoped FILE magazine would like this one (they liked my avatar photo, and you can see it here), but nothing yet.

At any rate it's been too long since I've posted photos, and I need an excuse to post one. This one is also evidence of my improving skills in editing. Well, it would be if I showed you the original. I think sometimes I overprocess, but I feel this one is just right. ~__^

sunset squared

love-love. Lindsay

***EDIT***
So apparently I misunderstood and the buzz was not so official. I am leaving this post here because I sent it to everyone, and some may still come looking. This message is for you. My director had passed around an awesome trailer and said we could share it, but it seems they want to do some more work to it and he didn't mean for us to share it with the general public. Coulda fooled me. I thought it was fantastic, and the music so perfect. But I had to delete it. But I can still share it with friends and family, so if you fit that description send me an email and I can email you the link to download it. Or if you want me to make sure you are notified once it goes up again message me or leave a comment.

Sorry to get your dander up!

***end EDIT***

Marry Me, the little film we shot in the spring here in Seattle, is officially buzzing. There is still some editing, and most likely a bunch of sound re-recording to do, so a release date is still not set, but a full trailer has just been passed around. So here it is. Watch it, enjoy it, share it, get more people to watch it and share it. Get it buzzin', will ya? Seriously. I'll be watching the number of views and I expect it to jump to the hundreds. Got it? Good.

love-love. Lindsay

Who would have thought that choosing a single picture out of nine on a simple quiz website could be so spot on? I doubt any professional psychologists had anything to do with this, but the image I was drawn to yielded a description of how I see myself and my world right now. Sometimes the internet spooks me with how much it knows. I'm going to go see what else it has found out about me.

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.
Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.
You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books.

You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.

A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

Blogthings - The World's Shortest Personality Test

Beware: Contents of this post may contain actual feelings. Read at your own risk. If you would prefer to read shiny, happy stuff, Lindsay recommends the following: posts tagged humor.

There are reasons I haven't been posting much over the past year, and only one is laziness. Another, more important reason has been that I usually strive to keep the unhappy bits of my life out of this blog, which has left me with very little to say over the past year. But I am on the verge of overcoming all that junk, and I feel that before I continue as though nothing ever happened, I must give an account. I am a firm believer in venting and getting stuff off your mind. Unless you're really good at meditation (which I am not), it's the best way I know to clear out the bad energy so you have room for the good to come in. And maybe someone else will be helped by what I have to say, either for themselves, or if they've noticed someone else with the same feelings and dilemma.

So here goes.:

When I turned 28 the events of that day showed me that my life had gone largely unchanged for a full decade. Though events and accomplishments came and went, the status and quality of my life remained the same. Career, friendships, love, family, income - all felt just as they did when I graduated high school. I panicked. Here I was, getting ever closer to 30, finding that all of my efforts amounted to nothing. Sure I now have a college degree, but I'm working as a barista with kids who never went; sure I've met new people, but they are no more a part of my life than people I haven't seen in ten years; sure I'm making more money per hour, but my cost of living and debt are also much higher. All I could think was that if everything I tried had no effect, and I couldn't think of anything new to try within my capability, why continue to try at all? For the next six months I was on a severe downward spiral. I know many of us say that we are depressed, but we are usually referring to our current mood; however, I believe I truly was on the clinical side of depression. My biggest clue being that I didn't care about the things I loved: I didn't want to take pictures, I didn't even want to try any acting. And that scared me. I didn't know what to do and just kept waiting for some car to hop the curb and save me the trouble.

Breathe Me

Sia

When you've lost your hope for success in the future how do you get it back? How do you stop the vicious cycle of self-damaging thoughts? I want to get back to that place of promise; when I felt the bright vision of my future in my soul and it made me smile, even in the darker times. My vision was clearer then, just a brief two years ago, because I knew that each event was just a hurdle, putting me on my unique path to personal greatness. But when those darker times persist and persist, drilling into the mind, maintaining and even gaining their strength in your day to day consciousness, the promise fades and slips away. It takes all of your energy to hold on to it. I believe in the power of the mind, but when you've already bent all your energy on that hope, and it failed you, how do you again convince yourself that you can make good things happen? And how do you do it without an infusion of new energy? When you've made effort upon effort and it has had no effect, sapping all your strength, how do you again convince yourself that your new attempts will yeild any results? If you're drowning in your own failures and no one is around to pull you out or provide that new energy, how do you save yourself? Can you save yourself?

For months now I have been clawing my way back out of that pit, and it is no easy task. Especially when there is no hand reaching down from the top to grab on to, with a whole person behind it telling you that they hear you. But somehow I managed to latch on to the feeling that "my time is coming." My time is coming. My time is coming. I said it over and over. And at some point - only very recently - I felt that it was true. In the past my visions of the future were specific. My plots and plans had their desired results, and those results never came. But now I have no plot. No plan. Just a feeling that the time has come for things to change. Soon. Though I don't know when. And because I've stripped away many of my specific expectations I may finally be free to see what results do come from my actions. But still I needed a catalyst. A day to mark a fresh beginning. A time when I could expect the groundwork to begin. January 1st and its typical resolutions have always felt meaningless to me, but my birthdays seem to have that sense of new beginnings and renewal in a much stronger form. I told myself that my 29th birthday would be that marker. The start of my new year, on an upward motion. I also told myself that if I was truly going to enter my 30s the way I want, this is the time. This is it. I must take action. I must find actions to take. And I must suck it up and not be afraid. This is my last chance to experience my 20s and make something out of them.

And somehow, little, tiny things are starting to happen, and I have found things to do. A stranger bought me a bottle of nice scotch on my birthday (a thing I'd been wanting for some time); I've found someone with whom I may actually be able to socialise; a roaster I knew from Seattle Coffee Works sought me out to take over running one of his coffee bars, which is only open Monday - Friday, closing at 3pm - finally giving me my nights and weekends for theatre; I even finally answered one of those last minute calls for extras (I should point out that I was actually free that day, too, which doesn't usually happen) and while I did get within ten feet of Robin Williams and Bobcat Goldthwait, the more significant aspect is that I connected with a woman who does that sort of casting all over town.

I've still got a long way to go, and I'm still fighting my own worst enemy (me) daily, but somehow, over time, I've managed to inject myself with just enough good energy that has finally built up enough to start the ball rolling again. My next challenge is keeping momentum, while continuing to find more positive energy to add to the mix, propelling me further. As crappy as my 28th year was, I'm convinced my 29th will be that much better. And if I'm wrong, well, somebody better be there to catch me this time, 'cause I'll fall hard. But I really don't think I'm wrong - finally. And as long as I can continue to think that, I won't be. This is my time. My time is now.

love-love. Lindsay

I don't have a car here in Seattle. In fact, I've never driven in this city at all. And over the past year and a half I have been consistently reminded of why that's a good thing. Yes! SO glad I don't have to deal with a car right now. No payments, no insurance, no gas (or failure to get somewhere due to lack of gas funds), no repair bills, no city parking, dumb drivers or traffic jams. I haven't even missed getting to places. I think I've only made it out to Target three times since I moved here - and I don't care! I may be terribly limited in where I can go, and how long the bus takes to get around, but it's worth it not to have the headaches.

But, when the weather is sunny and breezy as it has been, and when you find yourself listening to certain music, there is that call. That call of a classic American past time. When you want nothing more than to cruise around with the windows down (or the top, if you're lucky) on some forgotten, empty (yet mercifully paved) road, with that music cranked as high as it will go, taking it all in. A sensory whirlwind of good music and good feelings. Just going for a drive. Because it makes you feel good.

Well, I must live vicariously through you now. (If you have a car, that is. And someplace to go. No more driving for no reason anymore, huh?) So I will share some of the songs that I think would be ultimate summer driving music. Bear with me though. They've not been tested. I've only acquired these songs in the past few months. But I think they should do nicely.

So crank it for me, will ya?

TA+E=R

Don't ask me why, but tonight I felt compelled to compile a list of my favourite movies, so I thought I would share the results. This was not an easy task. My favourite movies are not always the best, and the best movies are not always my favourites. Then some that used to be my favourites got knocked off because I wore them out, and others that used to be my favourites are on here for nostalgic reasons, despite the fact I barely remember them anymore. Who knows if I've forgotten any. And then there are at least four or five sequels to my favourites that I have yet to see, and if they are anything like their predecessors, well, I will have some rearranging to do. But for now, I think this is a pretty good list. Even if it's a bit long.

My Top 100 All Time Favourite Movies (in alphabetical order):  
        *Drumroll, please.*

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (it is all one story, after all)
2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
3. Lost in Translation
4. Millions
5. A Dog's Breakfast
6. The 10th Kingdom
7. Harry Potter (can I say all as one? I think Chamber of Secrets is my favourite, but I need to see Phoenix again)
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
9. The Princess Bride
10. Titus

*Whew* That's hard work.

The laundry room in my apartment building has one of those handy tables on which people place free junk they don't want anymore. Every once in a while something really good is put out there - like the 21" tv/vcr combo that came right when I needed it most. Yesterday I noticed the table was overflowing. With CDs. Six big stacks about 14 inches high! And I'm thinking, "Score!" Most of them are indie bands and artists I've never heard of. Yes. I confess, I went through all of them. (Though I did find a new Tossers album and Travis' latest single.) So what's a girl to do? Yes. I had no choice but to judge by the covers. And names and song titles. So after bringing back about 30-40 mystery CDs I realise it will be months before I listen to them all. Some of them could really suck for all I know.

But this one. This one. I almost passed it up, but there was a convincing testimonial sticker on it, so I grabbed it and put it on top of my list. And I totally dig it. I figure, since I didn't get to give these lovely artists any money for their lovely art, the least I can do is spread the word and get other people to give them their money. (Then maybe later, when I actually have money I will try and give them some.)

So here is Kyle Mann Combo from Chicago. Really totally scored on this 2005 album. A little bit jazzy, a lot o' bit indie rock. I think they'd be a perfect opening act for... um, you know, the musician I really love. Oh, yeah. Jamie Cullum. Anyway, they have a number of tracks you can listen to on their myspace, www.myspace.com/kylemanncombo, so I am uploading one that I love that they don't have up, as well as a music video from you tube. And I think you can listen to all of their songs on their main website: www.kylemanncombo.com.

This stuff is good. Seriously. Give it a listen. So without further ado, I give you Kyle Mann Combo:

Neighbor, Crazy

Kyle Mann Combo

As I mentioned earlier, I participated in a little film last month. They're not expecting to finish editing it until June or July, but they posted a teaser for the film on their myspace (www.myspace.com/marryme2008). I thought some folks would like to see. I totally dig the mellow tune it has going.

I hereby declare April 1^st National Lyme Disease Awareness Day.

‘What is this Lyme you speak of, Lindsay?’ I hear you asking, ‘I think I’ve heard of it. Don’t you get it from ticks? Gross. But it’s no big deal, right? Some antibiotics and I’m done with it.’

Oh, my friend, if only. Yes, if you find it very early on you may get yourself “cured” but have you ever seen a tick? They can be tiny. We’re talking little deer ticks here. They can be easily overlooked, and they anesthetize their bite so you don’t feel it.  What’s more, is that a common bull’s-eye shaped rash, which is usually viewed as the first sign of infection, does not always occur. What’s more still, you may not see your first symptom for years. YEARS.

Imagine you’ve got flu-like symptoms for months at a time. Imagine you suddenly have severe arthritis pain at a very young age. Imagine you suddenly forget how to get home from the grocery store you go to every week. Imagine you suffer these and other symptoms for years, and doctors get so tired of telling you they can find nothing wrong, that they finally conclude it must all be in your head. And finally imagine that you have a disease that is so controversial doctors won’t even look at you for fear of losing their license and getting persecuted by the system. And don’t even think about getting your insurance company to help you.

All of these are qualities of Lyme disease, and that’s just the start. This debilitating disease goes unnoticed by so many, but all it can take is a single walk through the grass. Thousands of new cases are reported each year, but even the CDC recognizes that most cases go unreported and undiagnosed. Most statistical reports say the numbers are probably TEN times what the charts show.

So why April 1^st ? Besides being nicely timed at the beginning of spring, when people are getting outside more, I figured April Fools Day surprisingly appropriate because of the disease’s ability to mimic other diseases. Lyme patients go misdiagnosed for years. Fibromyalgia, MS, depression and a host of other ailments have all been blamed for Lyme’s problematic symptoms. Lyme has fooled doctors for so long that really, the joke is on them. But it’s the patients who suffer while hoping and waiting for the medical community to wise up and help.

So I would like to give you a couple tools to aid in your understanding of this disease so you can spread the word and take precaution, because preventing tick bites is the only safe bet if you don't wish to join the ranks of those already afflicted.

The first video helps you understand just a few of Lyme’s symptoms with such eloquence and candid accuracy as only late night television can give.

Now for the serious video. This is a trailer for a documentary on the issue. It may only be a trailer, but it explains very well why Lyme Disease deserves our attention.

So tomorrow wear some Lyme green. Do some research. Share this post with everyone you know who, well, ever goes outside. Always wear bug spray with DEET. And when anybody asks you if it’s an April Fool’s joke, tell them: No, Lyme is not a joke. Lyme is the jokester and it has suckered in the vast majority of the medical community and government. And because awareness is on this day you will never forget the disease’s power to deceive.

p.s. For anyone already suffering, or who would like to show their support here on vox, I have opened up a Lyme disease group at lymedisease.groups.vox.com. Please come on over and share your experriences.

love-love. Lindsay